IS LIVING SUFFERING?
There was a Brazilian singer and songwriter, Tim Maia, who died in 1998. He was an excellent melancholic singer. He once wrote a song called "Azul da cor do mar" (blue of the color of the sea) that has a line that says: "In life we have to understand that one is born to suffer while the other laughs." Do you agree?
I confess that many times this thought comes to my mind. When I open social media, when I see typical families going on outings or having good moments together, my human side often makes me think that yes, some are born with heavier burdens than others. Some suffer while others laugh.
But, in fact, when I pray and seek wisdom from above, I start to think differently. In my opinion everyone has their own cross to bear—perhaps with different weights (but only the one who carries it knows its true weight)—and that moments to laugh may be rare, but they always appear.
Today, we are going to talk about a somewhat unpleasant but necessary subject. It is not easy to talk about suffering.
However, the fact that all of us, to varying degrees, face life's sufferings already show us that we cannot ignore them. And that talking about it can equip us for when it comes.
Imagine a team of firefighters waiting for the fire alarm to go off before they start planning what to do. Who will drive the truck? Where is the equipment? Do we have water in the tank? That would be a failure, and the fire would certainly consume everything before they could act.
I also remembered that uncomfortable introduction they make on every flight: “If the masks fall off, do this... If there's a forced landing on the water, do that...” Those who are afraid are even more afraid. Why is that? To prepare us in case the "suffering" happens...
The same happens with life’s suffering. If we wait for something bad to happen before considering our reaction, we will be doomed to failure.
Of course, I am not suggesting that we spend every day neurotically thinking, "What if this happens? What if that happens?" Because in the same way, in the firefighter example, they don’t spend their days thinking, "What if the market catches fire? What if the same thing that happened in California happens here? What if, what if..." They simply prepare for the fire, regardless of its scale, location, or circumstances. Do you understand?
What I mean is: when suffering comes (whatever it may be), you need to be prepared, strengthened, and filled with hope and faith. There is no safer place to find the strength to endure suffering than in faith. Only faith brings hope and the company of someone who faced the greatest suffering of all—and overcame it: Jesus.
Helen Keller wrote: "Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it." Suffering is part of human existence and cannot be avoided. It has been present in this world ever since we opened the door for it to enter.
We cannot avoid it. However, how we respond to it is something we can control.
Once, in Brazil, I preached about an interesting concept I read in a psychology article: primary and secondary suffering.
Primary suffering refers to the suffering we have no control over. It simply arrives—without warning, without asking for permission—and devastates us. It comes in different sizes and proportions, but it reaches everyone: broken trust in betrayal, broken relationships, illness, death, loss of a job, money, or a loved one... it simply comes.
Secondary suffering, on the other hand, is what we add to primary suffering—and we have complete control over it. It is how we choose to react to primary suffering.
So, when primary suffering comes—for example, I’ll share a very personal example: my son's diagnosis—every day, Isabeh and I choose whether or not to add secondary suffering. What do I mean? We could cry, grieve, and isolate ourselves in our pain, or we could pray, seek comfort, and keep moving forward, finding "escapes" to smile and be happy. If I choose the second option, I am not adding secondary suffering. Do you understand?
Some of the most inspiring stories you've ever heard involve overcoming suffering despite immense pain. Parents who lost their children and decided to open an organization to help others, people like Linda, who lost much of her life in a plane crash but chose to see that the Lord kept her alive for a greater purpose... In both examples, the wounded person chose not to add secondary suffering.
Steps to avoid adding secondary suffering to primary ones:
1) Patience: bear with faith
2) To thank
3) To pray always
4) Focus on “today” and in the things that bring us hope
5) Understand purposes
6) Believing that Jesus sees, hears, feels and has compassion for your pain. And He can do anything.
7) Talk to people who can pray with you and encourage you.
The Bible is full of teachings and verses that can help us stay focused on overcoming challenges. Obviously, applying them is not easy. In fact, it is almost impossible for a human being to do alone because it requires a level of mental and spiritual elevation that few of us naturally have.
I, myself, see only one way to wake up every day and stay focused on being happy:
HOPE—which I only find in Jesus!
"In this world, you will have suffering, but take heart, for I have overcome the world!" Jesus (John 16:33)
C.S. Lewis has a quote that warms the heart:
"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain."
"Heeeeeey my children, I AM HERE!!!" (God saying)
The existence of suffering should never be a reason to doubt God's love. On the contrary—although suffering does not come from God (He did not plan this for us), it can and should lead us into a deeper relationship with Him.
Someone once asked me, "Did you drift away from God when you saw your son suffering?"
I answered then, and I still answer now: NO! That’s when I ran even faster into His arms—because without Him, I wouldn't be able to endure it!
I truly hope you remember this in every painful moment in your life or whenever suffering comes your way. The world is changing. Keep it in mind:
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us“
Romans 8:18
by Dani Caldeira